Entreprenerus: how to be a powerful persuader.

Here are my thoughts on how entrepreneurs can be powerful persuaders and effective communicators.

Understanding your target audience or customer. Who are they? How do you effectively communicate in a way that they can understand?

Persuading and influencing. Appealing to peoples’ practical and emotional needs. How to understand explicit and implicit wants. J.P. Morgan once said that people have two reasons for everything they do: the good reasons and the real reasons.

The importance of an empathetic approach to communications. People need to feel understood. Address their values, needs, wants, desires and fears.

Listen to what’s being said and not said. People will tell you what they want but sometimes it’s important to listen between the lines. Be intuitive. What are this person’s real needs—not just the presenting ones?

Ask good questions. People often reveal more than they realize.

Tell great stories. Stories build an emotional connection between you and your listener. Facts are important, but stories capture the imagination.

Be aspirational. Connect with the listener’s desire for a better life.

Create a feeling. People often don’t remember what you said, but they always remember how you made them feel.

Differentiate. Demonstrate how your product or service is different from anything else in the market place.

Ten Ways to be a Great Communicator

By Bob Berkowitz
Principal
The Dilenschneider Group
bberkowitz@dgi-nyc.com
(212) 922.0900

Know your audience and why you are talking to them. People need to feel understood. Address their values, needs, wants, desires and fears. When people feel you get where they are coming from, you get the business.


What are their explicit and implicit needs? JP Morgan said that people have two reasons for everything they do: the good reasons and the real reasons. For example, someone might say they are going to buy a Mercedes because they are well made and safe. Those are the good or explicit reasons. The real reasons may be because it makes them feel good; or that it tells the world that they are important, powerful and affluent. They have arrived. Those are the real or implicit reasons. Ultimately, they are all right.


Listen between the lines. Be an intuitive listener. What are these people’s real needs—not just the presenting ones? They will tell you everything you need to know, if you stop talking and listen.


Tell great stories. Stories build an emotional connection between you and your listener. Facts are important, but stories capture the imagination.

People often don’t remember what you said. They always remember how you made them feel. Those who make others feel good about themselves win people’s confidence and business.


Ask good questions. People often reveal more than they realize. With the information you glean from the answers, you’ll have a much better idea how to effectively communicate.

Differentiate. How does your product, idea or service differ from everything else out there?


It’s not what you say, but how you say it. You can have the greatest message in the world, but if the listener does not understand you, it’s a waste of time. It’s your responsibility to make sure the listener gets it. You have to either explicitly or implicitly answer the listeners’ question: what’s in it for me? Make compelling arguments for your position.


Be aspirational. Connect with the listener’s desire for a better life.

Be brief. Brevity is not only the soul of wit but of good communications.

Can you make someone great who really isn't?

The short answer is no. That said, I've had a few clients who have asked me to make someone into something they are not.

I'm reminded of the movie "All That Jazz." It was a bio-pic of the late choreographer, Bob Fosse. In one scene, Fosse (played by Roy Scheider) was particularly harsh in his criticism of one of the dancers in a show that he was choreographing. Finally, she burst into tears. Fosse turned to her and said "look, I don't think I can make you into a great dancer. I'm not even sure that I can turn you into a good dancer. But if you listen to me, I can make you a better dancer."

As a media and message trainer, I feel confident that I can help virtually anyone be a better communicator. But great? Maybe, but you better very good to begin with.

We can all be better at communicating. I've never met anyone who couldn't improve. It's hard for me to imagine being successful in business (or in life) without good communications skills.

The good reasons and the real reasons

JP Morgan once said that people have two reasons for everything they do: the good reason and the real reason. Morgan was right. That's why I say you need to be sensitive to the explicit motives of people and the implicit ones. For example: we all need clothes. They protect us from the elements and address our needs for modesty. Those are the explicit needs. But if I buy an Armani suit, I am addressing my implicit needs. Maybe I'm trying convey my fashion sense, or my taste. Perhaps I want to send a message that I'm affluent, stylish, powerful or that my sartorial choices lean more European than American.

Another example might reveal something about consumers by the choice they make in cars. Let's say the decision is between buying a Toyota Corolla or a Prius. Both are practical and inexpensive cars. But the Prius might tell you something more revealing about the driver: his values, interests in the environment and energy conservation, maybe even his political leanings.

All of this comes under the heading of listening between the lines. It means hearing not only what people say they want but picking up on what they really want.

Communication is not the most important ingreedient in a succesful marriage.

I cringe every time I hear a so-called relationship expert trot out some tired old cliche like communication is the key to a good marriage. Really? How about if one partner tells the other what a jerk, idiot, incompetent buffoon they are? Are the "communicating?" Yes. But it is the communication of destruction.

In any communication, be it intimate or in business, you have to think of a way of speaking to the person on the other side of your message so they understand what you're saying. Hostile name calling results in the listener either shutting down or retaliating.

Who is on the other side of the conversation? What are their needs, wants and desires? What are their values?

When you understand those needs, you can craft a message that can be heard and understood.

People forget what you say, but not how you make them feel.

That's what Warren Beatty reportedly once said. I think there's a lot of truth to it. Look at your own life. Think of those who inspired you, made you angry, hurt your feelings or made you feel proud. The words may not be quotable, but the feelings that you associate with that person are unforgettable.

We tend to be attracted to those who help us feel better about our selves--not in a disingenuous or patronizing way, but sincerely help us see the value in who we are.

Conversely, we stay clear of negative, angry or hostile people.

Successful politicians understand this. Those that preach the gospel of optimism...FDR, JFK, Reagan are the ones we tend to recall fondly.

I remember working for a television network that ruled by fear. That seemed to stifle creativity or the desire for people to so something out of the norm--all because they were afraid.

When customers feel understood, they are attracted to those selling them products or services.

The feeling you have will long out last the words that you hear.

I hate it when people don't take themselves seriously

A couple of days ago, I heard that tired old cliche once again, "I take life seriously, I just don't take myself seriously."

Can anyone explain to me what the hell that's supposed to mean? If you don't take yourself seriously, who is?

Do you not take your health seriously? How about your family, your friendships, your relationships? Are you serious about your work? All of that and much more is you.

Life goes by rapidly. At the end, I doubt too many people would say "I wish I had taken those things less seriously."

My goal is for these blogs to be about communication. That includes the way we talk to ourselves. Little is gained and much is lost by diminishing ourselves. My life is important to me as I hope yours is to you.

When the Famous are Fallible

I was listening to an interview with Heather Mills, the ex-wife of Paul McCartney. She was being questioned by Richard Greene on his Air America radio show. Mills made the claim that being on a vegan diet could absolutely reverse type one diabetes in two weeks. She offered no proof, no studies, no nothing to back up such an assertion. Greene did note that she is not a doctor. She could not dispute that but said that "she studdied a lot" what ever that means. Studied with whom? Studied what?

Because they are famous, some how or another celebrities can say anything without challenge. In fact, that is the premise of Green's radio program. It's called Hollywood Clout. He brings on a variety of entertainers to pontificate on their beliefs, be they political, dietary, medical, or whatever.

Why do we think that their opinion about the Obama health care proposal is any more important or relevant than the person that cleans their house?

I've always believed that in our country, we worship at the alter of fame (or infamy), looks, money or power. Some how intelligence, character or education doesn't quite measure up.

Comfort is the Key

A close friend of mine is Paul Mc Cartney's photographer. Bill and Paul have travelled the world together.

I don't know Paul, but as a former White House correspondent, I do know what its like to be around famous and powerful people.

The stars of the world need to be surrounded by people who they trust. It's not only that their aides will hold their secrets, but that they also have to feel comfortable with those who serve them.

My friend Bill understands Paul's body langauge. He knows when it's okay to take a candid photo of him and when to back off. He can read his moods. Paul knows this and keeps re-hiring Bill for every one of his tours because Bill is to steal a lyric from an old Beatle's song like "an old brown shoe." He's comfortable with Bill.

Now, don't get me wrong, Bill is a world class photographer. See for yourself www.billbernstein.com There are other outstanding photograhers. But Paul does not know them and they don't know him. He doesn't feel comfortable with them.

Comfort is at least as important as competence.

When You Get the Customer, You Get the Business

In selling anything--a product, a service, a candidate or an idea--you need to speak to how people see themselves. What are their dreams, their goals, their aspirations? What do they secretly want in life? What are their frustrations?

So, how do you find out what people really want in life? Here's an example. Ask them what they do for a living. I then ask them, putting all practical considerations aside, what would you really like to do? More often than not (in fact way more often), it's something distinctly different from the way they currently earn a living. Invariably, the dream job is something that is doable; hardly out of the realm of possibility. Few people have ever said that their real fantasy occupation is to the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys or co-star in a movie with Brad Pitt.

My curiosity asks, what's stopping them? The answer is a window into their dreams, aspirations and frustrations.

People and companies that speak to the frustrations of people in an empathetic way usually wind up getting the business.

People want to be heard and understood. Those who get the customer, get the business.

That does not mean being phony or disingenuous. It means understanding life from their perspective.

Asking the Right Questions can lead to the Right Solution

Many years ago, I hosted a television talk show. My guest was the then nation's drug czar under Ronald Reagan, William Bennett.

I asked him why Americans have such an insatiable appetite for drugs. He seemed a bit stunned by the question and allowed that he really didn't know.

Until you can answer that "why" question, the solution will remain elusive.

What's going on in the lives of American drug abusers? Are they frustrated, angry, disillusioned, in pain? Why do some alienated Americans turn to drugs, while others don't?

Bennett and his successors needed to have a deep understanding of these people. The tactics and strategies of ending drug abuse depends on having a keen awareness on what motivates those who take illegal narcotics.

Okay, let's stipulate that you are probably not in the business of stopping people from taking illicit drugs or convincing them not to be junkies.

But the principal of knowing how your customer or client thinks and feels is the same.

No matter what you are selling, an idea or a product, you need to speak to how your customers see themselves. What are their goals, their dreams, their aspirations? What do they secretly want in life? What are their frustrations? What are your customers telling you about your product?

Those who connect to their customers in an empathetic and intuitive way more often than not wind up getting the business.

What I learned from my father about empathy

I sit here writing this on the day before Father's Day.

My dad is going to be 91 this fall and I'm grateful for every day that I have with him.

The older I get, the smarter and wiser my father seems to me--and I've always thought he was damn smart to begin with.

My father is a psychoanalyst and he's still seeing patients. He tells me that he's going to keep on working until he needs more help than they do. I'm sure the people that come to see him hope that doesn't happen for some time.

He told me something once about his practice that has really stayed with me. He said that he can identify with all of the emotions, issues and problems that his clients have brought to his office--except one. He can't understand why anyone could be bored. Dad is a voracious reader and learner so having nothing to do is something he just can't relate to.

His ability to connect with his patients is one of the things that make him a terrific therapist. That power of empathy is something we all need to develop, no matter what line of work we are in.

In my own career, as a communications consultant, I'm always telling my clients that whatever message they are sending, they need to keep the recipient in mind. If you understand how your customers, clients and employees think and feel, you will dramatically increase your chances of being successful

This applies to other parts of one's life. Michael Eisner, the former chairman of Disney said that people have it wrong when they say that your ability to say your sorry is they key to a successful relationship. Rather, he says, your understanding of where your spouse or partner is coming from is really the gold in a valued personal connection.

So Dad, thanks for your wisdom, your kindness, your love and most importantly for being there for me.

Blaming the messenger

Let me say up front, I am no fan of Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck or Fox News. But to blame them for the assassination of the abortion doctor or the act of terrorism at the Holocaust Museum in Washington is misguided. That is in fact what Joan Walsh of Salon and Paul Krugman of the New York Times have done.

First of all there is zero evidence that these two heinous acts were committed because of what they may have heard on the air. The 88 year old white supremacist James von Brunn's sick views were formed long before Limbaugh, Beck, et al were born. Like wise the Klan and the Nazis certainly pre-date hate talk radio and TV.

Conversely, should the media be given credit because we are a far more tolerant society when it comes to race, gender and sexual preference? Probably not.

My belief is that media is more a reflection of what's going on in society rather than an instigator.

Who is your audience?

I'm doing some consulting for a group of political candidates in a foreign country. This started me thinking about who the audience is for these politicians. My first thought was, "all voters, of course." But is it? We had to drill down our polling information to find out who we need to convince to vote for our party. We targeted our message to the 12% undecided voters and the ten percent of the electorate who were backing our opponent but were soft supporters.

All of this reminded me of when I was hosting a show on the now defunct Financial News Network (It was bought be CNBC).

I was working out at my local health club when I was approached by a man who was a viewer of my show. He said he was in advertising and was thinking about doing a spot buy for his client, an upscale steak restaurant on the two Manhattan cable outlets that carried FNN. The restaurant is located in midtown Manhattan. He was also considering a buy for the same client on the local six o'clock news on the New York CBS station. The Channel Two buy would have cost several times more than the more limited FNN purchase. I told him that most of the WCBS news viewership lived outside of Manhattan and only a handful of them could afford a meal at this restaurant. Why would you spend more to target people who are not likely to be your customers? The FNN audience lived in Manhattan and they had money.

We not only have to think about who we are talking to but how do we communicate with them. We need to consider what language to use, and what is the best media. More on that in a future posting.

Is Old Media Dead? Hardly.

I read two postings online that fly in the face of conventional wisdom.

The first gives lie to the notion that everyone is glued to their iPhone or computer in order to watch videos. Television is dead. Or is it?

Susan Whiting, Vice Chair and Executive Vice President of the Nielsen Company says that Americans are devoting 153 hours a month to watching television--or better than 5 hours a day. To be sure we are increasingly turning to alternative media for our viewing. --130 million Americans watch video online, up 13% year-over-year. Meanwhile, 13 million of us see videos on our cell phones.

The point Whiting makes is important: true, people are increasingly watching videos on their computers and on hand held devices but not at the expense of old media TV.

The lesson here is that there is an insatiable appetite for media, no matter where we watch it. If any medium suffers as a result of this trend, it is print. There are just so many hours in the day.

And then there is the story of Time-Warner dumping AOL. Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around?

Finally: Twitter. A new survey has it that 60% of new Twitter users stop tweeting after just a month.

Perhaps we should be cautious about judging which media are dead and which are alive and what the future is.

Listening Between the Lines

If you're trying to sell something--an idea, a product or a service--you need to gauge the explicit and implicit needs of the person you are pitching.

For example, we all have the experience of buying clothes. That is a product that is a necessity in our society. Clothes protect us from the elements and preserve our modesty. That's the explicit need. But clothes can also make a statement about us. They may suggest power, sexiness, informality, tradition, grunge vs. preppy, etc. Those are implicit values.

Recently, I worked with a client who is trying to sell high end financial instruments to prospects. In a role playing situation between my client and someone portraing the customer, it became obvioius that, yes the prospect was indeed looking for a sound company to manage her families fortune(explict). But after asking several well thought out questions, it became equally clear that the prospect was also looking for some one who would come up with solutions that would unite a sharply divided family. Under additional questioning, the prospective customer allowed that she felt insecure about handling money and needed to work with some one who could give her extra attention and explain the various complexities of the financial world (implicit).

The key was asking her the right questions, paying attention to the answers and making her feel that she was heard and understood. It means listening between the lines.

When a prospect senses that feeling of empathy, trust can begin and a relationship and ensue.

The Importance of telling stories

The Power of Stories

Stories build an emotional connection between you and your listener. Facts are important, but stories are necessary because they capture the imagination of the listener. The story helps create a word picture in the mind of the receiver. Facts can be forgotten, stories stay with us.

Mike George is the CEO of QVC. Every Monday, he writes to his employees something to inspire them. He often tells stories from his personal life. He wrote about his 11 year old son’s miscommunication with a hair stylist. The woman shaved his head instead of giving him a trim has he requested. The kid was traumatized and wore a baseball cap until his hair grew back.

He uses this anecdote to illustrate the importance of communicating clearly with QVC customers.

George believes that these kinds of stories “create a high level of engagement and connection between the one giving the illustration and those who are hearing it.