Thursday, August 20, 2009

The good reasons and the real reasons

JP Morgan once said that people have two reasons for everything they do: the good reason and the real reason. Morgan was right. That's why I say you need to be sensitive to the explicit motives of people and the implicit ones. For example: we all need clothes. They protect us from the elements and address our needs for modesty. Those are the explicit needs. But if I buy an Armani suit, I am addressing my implicit needs. Maybe I'm trying convey my fashion sense, or my taste. Perhaps I want to send a message that I'm affluent, stylish, powerful or that my sartorial choices lean more European than American.

Another example might reveal something about consumers by the choice they make in cars. Let's say the decision is between buying a Toyota Corolla or a Prius. Both are practical and inexpensive cars. But the Prius might tell you something more revealing about the driver: his values, interests in the environment and energy conservation, maybe even his political leanings.

All of this comes under the heading of listening between the lines. It means hearing not only what people say they want but picking up on what they really want.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Communication is not the most important ingreedient in a succesful marriage.

I cringe every time I hear a so-called relationship expert trot out some tired old cliche like communication is the key to a good marriage. Really? How about if one partner tells the other what a jerk, idiot, incompetent buffoon they are? Are the "communicating?" Yes. But it is the communication of destruction.

In any communication, be it intimate or in business, you have to think of a way of speaking to the person on the other side of your message so they understand what you're saying. Hostile name calling results in the listener either shutting down or retaliating.

Who is on the other side of the conversation? What are their needs, wants and desires? What are their values?

When you understand those needs, you can craft a message that can be heard and understood.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

People forget what you say, but not how you make them feel.

That's what Warren Beatty reportedly once said. I think there's a lot of truth to it. Look at your own life. Think of those who inspired you, made you angry, hurt your feelings or made you feel proud. The words may not be quotable, but the feelings that you associate with that person are unforgettable.

We tend to be attracted to those who help us feel better about our selves--not in a disingenuous or patronizing way, but sincerely help us see the value in who we are.

Conversely, we stay clear of negative, angry or hostile people.

Successful politicians understand this. Those that preach the gospel of optimism...FDR, JFK, Reagan are the ones we tend to recall fondly.

I remember working for a television network that ruled by fear. That seemed to stifle creativity or the desire for people to so something out of the norm--all because they were afraid.

When customers feel understood, they are attracted to those selling them products or services.

The feeling you have will long out last the words that you hear.