Communication is not the most important ingreedient in a succesful marriage.

I cringe every time I hear a so-called relationship expert trot out some tired old cliche like communication is the key to a good marriage. Really? How about if one partner tells the other what a jerk, idiot, incompetent buffoon they are? Are the "communicating?" Yes. But it is the communication of destruction.

In any communication, be it intimate or in business, you have to think of a way of speaking to the person on the other side of your message so they understand what you're saying. Hostile name calling results in the listener either shutting down or retaliating.

Who is on the other side of the conversation? What are their needs, wants and desires? What are their values?

When you understand those needs, you can craft a message that can be heard and understood.