Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Power of Empathy

Empathy--"The ability to share in another's emotions, thoughts or feelings." -- Webster's New World DictionaryIf you want to persuade and influence people to buy into your idea, product, or service, you must first understand them. You must learn everything you can about them. Who are they? What are their dreams, aspirations and fears?
Nelson Mandela valued the power of understanding others, including his enemies. Richard Shell and Mario Moussa, in The Art of the Woo, tell how Mandela wanted to persuade his jailers to improve treatment for all of the inmates in Robbins Island prison, where they were held captive.
A major part of his strategy was to get inside the minds of his captors. To that end, he taught himself to speak and comprehend Afrikaans, and learned the history, culture and values of the Afrikaaners. In order to best communicate what he wanted, he needed to truly know where his adversaries were coming from. Or as Mandela put it: "You must understand the mind of the opposing commander...you can't understand him unless you understand his literature and his language." This empathetic comprehension of those who were guarding him and his fellow inmates led to better conditions in an otherwise oppressive jail.
In dealing with clients, you probably won't have to learn a foreign language, but you do need to understand what words, phrases and vocabulary will resonate. When I worked for Roger Ailes at CNBC, he told me that if the person on the receiving end of your communication doesn't get what you're talking about, it's your responsibility to figure out how to say it so she does.
Many years ago, I took acting lessons just for the fun of it. I learned a very valuable lesson from the teacher. When you play a part you must view the world from the perspective of your character. Your interpretation of the role depends upon it. It's no different in business. Adapting your message means knowing your audience, not just the facts about them, but their feelings and attitudes as well.
Barbara Walters tells this story about Roone Arledge, who was my boss when I was a correspondent at ABC News. If she invited him to a dinner party, he would ask for the bio of everyone who was going to be there. Maybe Arledge was socially anxious and looking for some way to make small talk, but I don't believe that was the case. I think he wanted to have a little background information of where they were coming from to communicate with them better and make it a more fruitful evening.
This empathetic connection to others goes well beyond business. Michael Eisner, the former chairman of Disney, thinks people have it all wrong when they insist that the ability to say "I'm sorry" is the most important communication skill in a marriage. He states that understanding your spouse's point of view is really the gold in a valued connection, and I concur.
Simply put, the power of empathy is putting yourself in the other person's place, and then choosing the right words to connect to what he wants and needs.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Be a Powerful Speaker

Giving a speech is an opportunity for you to get an audience to see their world differently. It's your chance to influence the way they think and get them to take action. These points are designed to help you be a more powerful and confident speaker.

1. Take a stand.
Make a provocative statement or ask challenging questions. Get their attention by presenting a strong point of view, thoughtful analysis, perspective and judgment. If it's the same old, same old they've heard before you'll lose them and never get them back. Don't waste their time by telling them how happy you are to be in Cleveland or saying something nice about the person who introduced you. Nobody cares.

2. Make it clear why this is in their interest to listen.
You must understand what they care about. What are their needs, fears, dreams and desires? How do you want your audience to think, feel or react? What action would you like them to take as a result of what you are telling them?

3. Be interesting.
A friend of ours is a minister and she came to me for advice on how she could improve her sermons. She thought about peppering her homilies with jokes. I reminded her that she's not a comedian and her flock does not come to church to be entertained. They are looking for meaning. Jokes are great if you're really funny. More than likely, you're not. Stick to what you know and what's important to them.

4. Tell meaningful stories and evoke real feelings.
Stories connect to our imagination. The audience can envision what you are talking about. The image the story lasts far longer than the words that they heard. Even better is emotionally moving your audience, getting them to feel in their hearts what your message is about. Do you remember how you felt the night Barack Obama was elected president? I don't recall a word he said to the crowd in Chicago, but I'll never forget the feeling I had.

5. Keep it short.
The Gettysburg Address is only 256 words. I'm not saying that your speech should be that brief but much longer than 20 minutes and you might start losing your crowd.

6. Don't read your speech word for word.
And don't try to memorize it either. Instead, be conversational with your audience. If you need three-by-five cards to remind you of the salient points, fine, but talk to them and don't lecture. Don't wing it. Practice it. A lot. Good preparation will go a long way in reducing your anxiety.

7. To PowerPoint or not to PowerPoint.
If your presentation is informational, PowerPoint might be helpful. But if your speech is visionary, if you're trying to walk your audience through your idea of the future, then don't use PowerPoint. It will just be a distraction. If you are using PowerPoint, keep it tight.