What's Stopping You?

I have this habit of asking people what they do for a living. More often than not, they hate their jobs or are maybe just bored. I then say to them, "Let's say I could waive a magic wand and give the perfect job, career or profession. What would you do?" What's interesting is that their secret gig isn't crazy, out of reach or unrealistic. The accountant doesn't want to play next to Kobe Bryant. The middle-aged lawyer has no eyes to be an astronaut. It's more like they want to be a play write, a painter or a radio talk show host. So, when I ask them, "What's stopping you," it all begins. I don't want to use the word excuses, that makes it sounds like they are lazy. It's hardly the case. More than likely they are afraid. And that's what this is about--seeing if we can figure out what's stopping us from doing and getting what we want. I always wondered what it would be like for these people at the end of their lives, looking back disappointed, maybe even angry that they didn't take a chance. I

I knew this guy who was a doctor. He hated it. He did because his father insisted that he go to medical school.

A good friend of mine owns one of the most famous restaurants in New York. Maybe the world. His place is loaded with celebrities. He wants out. He'd rather be a yoga instructor and a business coach or better yet a combination of both. Yet the velvet cage of power, money and prestige hold him back. I know this man is desperately unhappy.

Another physician I know pines to leave his reasonably successful New York City practice and write novels in Vermont.

A singer is trapped in the body of a network television producer. The list goes on.

For decades, my wife Susan had a successful career in the home furnishing direct marketing business. She was really quite good at it but she was losing interest. Her real passion in life is food. Even as a little girl, she gobbled up recipe books. In her mid-fifties, she decided to get her Master's in Food Studies from New York University.
Never wanting to stifle dreams but also a bit pragmatic, I asked her what she wanted to do with this new degree. She honestly said, she didn't know. She just wanted to learn about food. In the course of her studies, she discovered she could write. I mean really write, really well. She wrote about food. Is she making a ton of money at it? No but she loves it. Getting up in the morning and sitting in front of her lap top is something she looks forward to.

If you're one of the fortune ones who loves what you're doing, be grateful. But if you're not, what's stopping you?

What stops us isn't about money. Its about fear. I'm not saying that you have to hand in your resignation as a soft wear designer. You do have to pay your bills. But you still can write at night or start your own Internet talk radio show. You may even be good at. You might discover that you can make a living at it.

And yet, something stops us.

So, what about you? What stops you from doing what you want?

How Will You Screw Things Up?

Tom Seaver, the great Hall of Famer pitcher reportedly before every game he would pitch, sat down and read the line up of the opposing team. He was looking for players who could beat him. Maybe they had success against him in the past. Or maybe he just needed to change his approach to pitching to these particular hitters.

What about us? More than likely in our careers or personal relationships, we are not going up against opponents. If there is someone who could defeat you, it's probably going to be you. So, the question is: what would you do to screw up a new business deal or job, for example? What's been your pattern in the past? Do you start out on fire and then get lazy? Do you miss deadlines or not full fill promises you've made to your boss or your customers? Do you lie? Do you cheat on your expense account?

You might be able to fine similar self-sabotaging behaviors in personal relationships.

To avoid tripping your self up, you need to make a brutally honest assessment of your behavior. Too many people rationalize b.s. behavior or duck any responsibility. They are looking to blame everyone but themselves. You'll never grow until you own up to what you've done without finger pointing or excusing. When you are fully conscious of your pattern, you can be aware of when you maybe heading down that road of self-inflicted pain.